SLOWING DOWN

A joyful part of life is being able to share it. And I’m afraid that what I have to share with you right now is quite sad. I’ve reached my 17th year of sharing my life with my Ma’am and my Ma’am’s son. They are WONDERFUL! To all of our surprise, I’ve become ill. Very ill. I don’t eat much at all – because I can’t keep my food down – and I’ve lost a tremendous amount of weight. I still have my sense of humor, but what good is it when you don’t feel well. But, occasionally I do crack a joke or two.

I have my stressless stations around the house. It’s cool underneath the guest bed. Peering out the front screen is nice. (I still don’t like neighbor cat!) I still sleep with Ma’am and get her up at 5:00 a.m. for work. And basically, I just lie around dreaming of the old days when I’ve felt much better.

Ma’am brightens my day by telling me secrets and talking about things that happen where she works. (I think she’s the only smart person there!) My scratching post helps me to work out my confusion and I LOVE it when Ma’am puts ice in my water bowl.

I have to go now. My strength is not what it used to be. Hope to talk with you again soon. And Kitty Kats…be grateful for all nine of your lives. I am.

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A Heated Issue

Despite it still being hot and that it’s hard for me to think about anything else, I’ve decided to keep a secret journal about the fears and scenes of delusion I’ve experienced during my many heatstrokes. I hide this journal under the couch where Ma’am never vacuums. It’s safe, among the million dust bunnies.

Anywho, here are some excerpts from my precious journal:

Day 1 – I’m still alive. My first heatstroke took place as I was making my way across the room to what I thought was my water bowl. Upon approaching it, it took on the appearance of a shoe. Mad from the heat, I immediately went on attack – with the little strength that I had – and tried to destroy it with my back paws. Ma’am screamed like a crazy woman about it being one of her running shoes. Running shoes? Here I am deliriously dry mouthed and she’s crying about running shoes. How about running around to fetch a dying cat her water bowl?

Day 2 – The sun is still in a fitful rage. Everything is aglow with heat auras. I’m lying on my side underneath a chest of drawers in the foyer looking out the screen door. Heat waves are dancing like hula girls on the front porch while a feral cat scratches at the screen for sympathy. What did he think I could do for him, swap fur? So, mustering up a little sympathy, I asked what it was like out there. He  sneezed from clawing the dusty screen door and said, ” Better here than there, you poor slob!” As I crawled out from under the chester of doors to give that raggedy cat a piece of my mind, I suffered another heatstroke and woke up two hours later to the laughter of an old raccoon eating something rotten of course, while watching me passed out. I’m pretty sure I heard the feral cat off in the distance say, “I told you!”

Day 3 –  Ma’am is having her treat. It smells heavenly! Something brown with thick white cream in the center. I’m begging and she’s either gone deaf or is ignoring me. I make it to the water bowl this time, then go over and manage down a couple of bites of tuna. And then I make one more trip in that heat, back to where Ma’am is indulging in selfishness. I muster up enough strength to beg once more. That got her attention. She looked down and said, “Oh sweetie, you can’t have any other this.” Too hot to retaliate, I have my third heatstroke and faint. I will never forget the smell of that treat. It reminds me of what a mouse with a pink bow must taste like.

Gotta go. To weak to continue…..

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Summer Assault

The summer confuses me. Hang on, I need a few laps of water before I die. Okay, like I was whining, the summer confuses me. I was staring at the digital clock on the cable box this morning when I looked down a few inches at the TV screen just in time to catch an irritating scene. There it was – like every year at this time – people laughing and playing ball in a GIANT cat box next to a GIANT bowl of water. The sun is no doubt at its meanest right about now and THEY WERE LAUGHING! Sorry I yelled. Oh sure, if I could unzip this lush winter coat, I’d laugh and play in my cat box too. BUT I CAN’T!! Darn it! I yelled again. Sorry. I have turned every which way unsuccessfully to get out of  this coat. And believe me, at this point my appearance without my coat would not bother me one bit. So what if I end up looking like a hairless ca..a..t oops! Sorry no insult intended.

Anyway, I am reduced to a sniveling mouser and I’ve never even seen a mouse except for the stuffed ones that my Ma’am the human brings home from the store. I’m sad to say that I’ve also a been the fool lately, by running to catch the cool breeze from the opened refrigerator door. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THE SUMMER SUN TO DESERVE THIS?! AM I NOT A CHILD OF NATURE?! Hang on, I need more water AND a treat. Tonight when the moon brings me a few hours of hope, I will dig deeply into the recesses of my mind to think of ways to appease the summer sun. I hope I don’t have to sacrifice neighbor cat. Until then, I will continue to Google and find a way out of this coat.

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Whatever Miz Coco Wants…

I’d like to finish my title of “Whatever Miz Coco Wants – with – Miz Coco Gets” – however, life isn’t that way, now is it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining by any means. I do get nearly everything I want as long as Ma’am – the human – pays attention and gets my drift. At this point you know it’s all about mind control, anyway.  After 17 years she knows exactly what my meowings are all about. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist’s cat to elaborate on that. But then, sometimes her little mind gets so overloaded with the mortgage, the economy, keeping the car maintained, how she looks, and which flavor I’m into for the week, that her little wires gets crossed. I’m beginning to wonder if all that quiet shut down stuff is just an act.

I do have to brag about some of my ‘wants and gets’. I’ll never forget one cold day when Ma’am had her fake fireplace/heater going. I had curled up in front of it (just to help out the esthetic lie) and casually sent her up the most darling glance for no longer than nano second. That was no ordinary glance kitty cats. That glance was loaded with the strongest desire for freshly baked chicken that I had EVER mustered up. Just like a harmless zombie she stood up letting her Snuggie drop to the floor and headed for the kitchen. It wasn’t but a good 10 minutes before the smell of baked chicken had filled the house. So then, I took it a step further. I got up from the fake fireplace/heater and meandered into the kitchen and rubbed against her legs as I programed/purred my desire for fresh water and my box to be cleaned. To have seen it, you would have thought I had bought a how-to book from Houdini’ cat . It was BEAUTIFUL! However, the one thing I’ve stopped program/purring Ma’am for is to be outdoors. As much as I’d love to get into a scratch-match with Neighbor Cat, I’ve sort of been in shock since seeing a Chubracabra at our screen door, I’ve turned my desires for being outdoors into other things. Be careful kitty cats of what you purr for, you just might get it!

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